Respect

The most respect I ever commanded was when I had jury duty. The entire courtroom has to stand when the jury enters the room. They also look at you as you walk to your seat.

I generally wore a sweater to jury duty. Others chose sweats emblazoned with NFL teams. Others chose to look like forgetful, old women.

This got me thinking — what would it take to command that much respect all of the time? Namely — what do I need to do to make it so people stand up every time I walk into a room, regardless of where or when?

A few ideas:

-Find a closed door to a room where children are sleeping. Slip a deadly snake under the door. Wait for them to get bitten, which cause them to stand. Enter the room.

-Shout, “there’s cocks in your asses!!” as soon as I come in the room.

-Distribute a false scientific report to major media explaining that sitting when I enter a room will give you AIDS.

-Give AIDS to anyone who doesn’t stand when I enter.

Any other ideas? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below.